Dying to Self 2

This is a continuation of the excerpt from the book:  Dawn of Liberty by Michael Pillips

“Only after independence is yielded will individuality truly emerge.”

“How do you do that?”

“I suppose it’s something everyone has to discover the mechanics of himself.  The bible talks about ‘dying to self’ and ‘putting the self to death,’ but those phrases have never really been that helpful to me.  I’ve been a Christian all my life, but my self is not dead and never will be in this life.  It is loud and obnoxious and constantly interfering with my desire to live a godly life by putting in its two cents worth about what I should do and how I ought to behave.  Its voice is independence – telling me I have a right to be my own master, which is a lie.  I have no such right at all.  No one does.  It is one of the great lies of the universe that independence is a a good thing and that we have a right to it.  If I gave in to all the garbage and nonsense my independent self tells me, I’d be a mess and not worth a plug nickel as a Christian.”

“Do you ever do selfish things?”

Tad laughed, “of course,” he said.  “I give in to my self and hold selfish attitudes all the time.  But usually without realizing it at first.  Once I see that independence has gotten the upper hand and has suckered me again, I do my best to oust him from control.  That’s a struggle in itself because in a sense you are fighting against yourself – one part of you is fighting against another part of you for control.  And even when you do succeed in getting rid of him temporarily, he’ll always be back.”

“If what you call your self is so alive and vocal, then what do you do? I’d think the struggle would be too exhausting.”

“My way of looking at it is this: I don’t give my self a vote in my affairs.  I accept that independence is going to make a pest of itself.  But it has no vote.  It’s not a member of the board of directors of my life. It may come in and talk and fuss and try to sway the board’s vote.  And as I said, I may listen from time to time.  I’m as self-motivated as the next man.  But when time for a decision comes, I have to do my best to kick it out of the room.”